Ebony Eyes
by Ivory Chopstick
Summary: KotOR fanfic about republic scout Serea K, Occurring almost immediately after the Leviathon.
1. Kohl & Booze

> She strode purposefully out of the Ebon Hawk, not acknowledging the crews confused glances shot in her direction. When she emerged from her quarters dressed in a tan skirt, a snug black shirt with sleeves a little past her elbows, and kohl accentuating her ebony eyes, Carth had no idea what to say. Her jet black hair was pulled loosely into a bun with stray tendrils begging to be put back into place. She was... Alluring, daunting, and distracting at the same time. Sure, he had no idea what to say, but like the dumb ass he was, Carth mouthed off anyway.  
  
"Interesting outfit to scout in." He said, pointedly looking at the slits in Serea's skirt and the low cut of her shirt. She shot him a icy glare.  
  
"No scouting for me tonight, Onasi. Only adjustment. Oh, and don't bother following. I don't need a sitter." He took the words awkwardly and was left standing as Serea walked away. She was a different person since the Leviathon, and Carth didn't know what to make of it. Mission was mournful after Serea left.  
  
"She's taking the news pretty hard." The twilek unnecessarily explained to Carth. "Id hate to be in her boots right now..." Zaalbar moaned in agreement. Mission looked at Carth expectantly. "Well?"  
  
"Well what?" The girl scowled at the soldier as if he was a gremorrean pig.  
  
"Aren't you gonna follow her!? You know, just in case she runs into some rodian scum somewhere and needs backup. Just shadow her or somethin. You're pretty smart, figure it out." Carth sighed.  
  
"She's a grown woman--"  
  
"- A grown woman who just found out that her life was a lie, that she is the very person that had slaughtered millions in a quest for power, and that she is the pinnacle of hatred for the ones she cares about most." Juhani interjected. "Go find her. Bring her back to the Ebon Hawk in one piece and we will be grateful." The man looked from Cathar to Twilek.  
  
"But--"  
  
"Go. You need the exercise." Carth was not amused but caved nonetheless.  
  
"Fine. But if Ser finds out, this was your idea, because there is no way--"  
  
"Oh, stop whining you old geezer and do your job." The old geezer found himself reciting the Jedi Code. There is no emotion... He sighed.  
  
I've spent way too much time around those Jedi...  
  
"The things I do for pretty ladies..."  
  
([])  
  
He found her in Anchorhead's cantina in the arms of the slimebag hunter that the team had met earlier. His scowl deepened as the hunters hand slid further along Serea's neckline and Carth loosened his blasters from their holsters as the two locked lips. As if sensing his displeasure, Serea turned to fix her emotionless gaze on Carth. Smirking, the woman whispered something to the hunter motioning in the soldiers direction. Plunking herself down in the barstool next to Carth's, she ordered drinks.  
  
"Two gamorrean brews. Don't skip on the shot." His eyebrow rose.  
  
"So this is how you're going to adjust?" He asked her. "By drinking yourself numb and sleeping with the next sleazy meatbag you find? Where's the point in that?! How does this comfort you!?" She looked at Carth with ebony eyes void of anything human.  
  
"More comforting than the meatbags on the Ebon Hawk. Here, nobody knows my true name. No one cares where I came from or what I'm doing here. No person here can paint me with sins I don't even remember committing. Sins I would never carry out now. The crew of the Ebon Hawk... They cant comfort me now. I'm beyond comfort."  
  
"What about Mission and Zaalbar? Juhani and Jolee? They know who you are now, and they don't give a damn! Canderous respects you for your past, and the droids could really care less. Bastila --" Serea visibly winced and even Carth felt a blow to the stomach. "Bastila forgave you long ago. The whole crew understands you. You have no reason to do this to yourself."  
  
"Mm. Not the whole crew." Carth looked down at his drink. "And you cant condemn me for this, Onasi. Not when you've done the same thing. So," she downed the foul drink in one meaningful swig, "Piss off and let me figure this out. I don't need some damn war hero telling me how to live my life when I don't even have one."  
  
She left on the drunk hunter's arm, leaving Carth to battle his own demons.   
  
([])  
  
It didn't take Carth long to come back to the present reality. Allowing his instinct to take over, the man followed Serea's tracks outside the cantina.  
  
The winds had picked up considerably and howled violently against Anchorhead's walls.  
  
"Excuse me," Carth grabbed the attention of an elderly woman. "Have you seen a couple come by here not to long ago? I need--" The lady cackled, her gritty voice matching Tatooine's sand.  
  
"Why in the world would you want to follow a couple? Love, love is the life and death of everything--" The woman spun around haphazardly. "I saw them, righty I did..."  
  
"Where!? Where did they go? Please, I must know--" Carth was anxious about finding Serea. He knew all too well that much could happen in a short amount of time.  
  
"Bah. If they're smart, they'll be inside, away from this sandstorm that's a brewin. It'll come within a quarter of an hour, if my old bones sing true..." The crone trailed off, clearly oblivious to the man seething with annoyance next to her. "If you be smart, you'd seek cover yourself, lad. These walls were built to keep people and critters out, not the sand. Not the wind. Not the... Eh. Sandstorms be deadlier too. Pshaw, you'd think those smartipants in Czerka would figure somethin out..." Carth smacked his forehead. Between this woman and Jolee, he'd had enough of the old fools that seemed determined to pester him.  
  
"I will make sure to do exactly that, thank you, but where did the couple go!"  
  
"Eh? What couple? Oh, the loverbirds. They went down the alley, methinks."  
  
"Thank you." The man said through gritted teeth. May the force be kind to me when I get to be that old... To Carth's dismay, the alley was completely devoid of life. Sighing in frustration, the soldier turned back to go to the Ebon Hawk. He knew that he wouldn't get a wink of sleep that night, but he would just have to comfort himself knowing that Serea was a grown woman, and she could take care of herself.  
  
A low moan stopped Carth dead in his tracks. Dark eyes roved the dirt ground until he saw the pile of rubbish at the very end of the alley. In the full moon, he could make out awkward limbs and a mass of black hair.  
  
"Holy shit, Serea -- what in seven hells did you get yourself into this time?" The mound twitched.  
  
"Carth?"  
  
"Yeah, its me. Whoa, slow down there -- what happened?" He asked her, helping her up.  
  
"Tanis and I, we were walking here when a gust of wind--" She swore as her body refused to stand.  
  
"Guess you wont be walking back, huh?" Serea glared.  
  
"Anyway, a gust of wind threw some trash and knocked me in the head. Couldn't feel my body, couldn't move, he thought I was unconscious. Tanis didn't want to deal with a dead beat-" She laughed harshly, "Can't screw someone when they cant get up -- so he ran and left. And then you came. I--" An eerie siren interrupted the woman.  
  
"I think that's the sandstorm the old windbag was telling me about." Carth said curtly, picking Serea up.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Onasi!?" She spat.  
  
"Too much liquor and a head injury means you cant walk, Serea. I don't have any other way to get you to the inn." Seeing her questioning eyes, he continued. "The Ebon Hawk is too far away to make it in time. Well call her later to inform the crew what's happening -- just work with me on this one..."  
  
([])  
  
It did not take the pair long to get to the inn and settle into the sparse room. With heating and electricity no longer functioning, they resorted to lighting a small fireplace. Carth didn't like what he saw.  
  
Dumped unceremoniously onto the bed, Serea sat in a dazed trance. The trash had ripped open a nasty gash on her forehead that obviously needed medical treatment. Uttering profanities under his breath which would make a soldier blush, Carth went to work healing the wound as much as he was able to with simple kolto.  
  
"I think this is the first time in my life that I am grateful that you drank yourself stupid." He commented, unsuccessfully trying to lighten the mood. Serea glared venomously at him in response  
  
"I told you," she spat, "I don't need anyone's help. I don't want your help, I-"  
  
"Whether you want my help or not, Serea, your gonna get it. Now sit still." She gave Carth an odd look at the sound of her name for a brief second until her whole demeanor grew bitter and sullen.  
  
"Don't you mean Revan, Onasi? Don't you mean the Sith lord who destroyed your Taris, who lost you your son, who ruined your life and murdered your wife? Don't you mean to say the bitch who burned civilizations to the ground and slaughtered millions of innocents for some grasp of power? The woman who you've spent the portion of your career trying to stop and kill? I see them sometimes." Carth stared numbly back at her. Serea's coal black eyes became tormented. "I see them in my dreams. All of them in terrible pain, screaming for mercy. I see the people I tortured, with their broken bodies strewn across a table after I have finished with them. I see this, and I feel sick. But there is a part of me that gloats and laughs. And I want to curl up and die. They hate me, Carth. People I don't even know hate me. All of them. They hate me. You hate me. I hate me." She was crying now, pouring out her heart and soul to him. And he could do nothing. He would do nothing. "I need you to promise me something Carth. Promise me," she hiccuped, "Promise me that if I ever even seem a little like that, you will kill me. Just take a blaster and-"  
  
"Serea - no! You cant ask me to- no. No. Serea-"  
  
"Promise me." She was asking him to do the one thing that he had wished to do for so long. But it was not as glorifying as his vengeful dreams had made it out to be.  
  
"Serea-"  
  
"Promise me!" This was not the evil Revan who ravaged planets and butchered millions. This was a woman pushed beyond her limits. A woman whose past had been stolen and whose life was just a fictional story made up by the Jedi council. She no longer had any wish to live, but was obliged to complete her duties. It saddened him beyond measure. "Carth, promise me. Just - please. Please."  
  
"I will." She closed her eyes in relief. If only he could feel the same. With her eyes still shut, she again started to speak.   
  
"I see your wife in my dreams too." Carth went shock still. "Morganna. So much more than I could ever be. I see her struck down with a vibroblade. She was raped before you got to her. Again and again, they hurt her -- oblivious to her screaming. Those screams..." Serea shuddered. "I see you come and kneel next to her after the soldiers have gone and left her for dead. You held her as she died." She finally looked at him, even as he refused to look at her. "You were crying." She said it as in revelation. Serea put a hand to his face, making him turn to her. "I've never seen you cry. But you did then. You got up then, and you turned to me. You just looked at me. You hated me then. You hated me with every fiber of your existence. I see you taking your blaster out. But you didn't kill me. I wanted you to kill me, I begged you to kill me. But you didn't. You... You shot yourself. Right there, in front of me. And when I screamed, you laughed. As if it was the funniest thing in the world." Serea's forlorn gaze found the horrified face of Carth. "That is the dream that will never go away. It has kept on haunting me from the day you told me about your wife. It will never leave me." Slowly comprehension dawned on him. All those extra late night shifts, the disappearing stims, the endless amounts of caffa... "I haven't slept - truly slept - in four weeks. Sometimes I go to sleep in--"  
  
"--In the cargo hold. I know. I saw you there, once." His first response to Serea's rant visibly shocked her. She gazed at him quizzically until the curiosity turned once again to anger.  
  
"Is that it? Is that all you're going to say? Don't you hate me? Didn't I betray the whole crew? You, Mission, Zaalbar, the droids, Juhani, Jolee, Canderous, wasn't I the conniving bitch that heard all of your plans and didn't tell you that I was, in truth, the very person you were planning against? Aren't you going to kill me to get your revenge? I'm just as bad as Saul, shouldn't I get worse? A fate worse than death. Because death would be too merciful for the former Dark Lord of the Sith. Maybe you should lock me up in a room and tell me what I've done in my lifetime to torture me into madness. well, go on! tell me Onasi! what have I done? because I sure as hell don't know! you were so good at telling me what a traitorous whore I was before! why wont you now?! well?" The tears ran freely down her face as she screamed at Carth. Yet he was as unresponsive as stone. Her anger became smoldering. "You said that you had a life after the star forge. You said-" She hiccuped again, "You said that you would protect me. But you wont. Not anymore. Protect me, ha! You'd sooner shoot me with your blaster than protect me now. After what I've done. What have I done, Carth? Really, what have I done since I found out that I was -- that I am Revan?" He still said nothing. "You were always so terrified of being betrayed. But who's betrayed who, Carth? I've kept my promises. But you wont keep yours. You betrayed me. You were the one who was willing to kill me for your revenge." He barely blinked. Serea went on. "I used to think that I loved you, Carth Onasi. I realize now that it was just childish wish. Because who could love you? Traitorous bastard." She spat, her eyes glowing with furious power. "I hate you." Catching Carth completely off guard, a force push threw him across the room and crashing into the wall. She felt no remorse as his limp body sagged in a haphazard manner, and as she mustered all the strength she could from the Force, Serea grabbed Carth's blaster and ran into the awaiting sandstorm.  
  
([])


	2. Sandstorms & Sandcrawlers

She met no one on her way out of town: everyone else had taken cover. Using the force as her shield from the high winds, Serea fled without mind into the tempest winds ravaging the desert. Her anger carried her over a wide expanse -- almost to the abandoned sandcrawler. In her swirling emotions, the image of Carth, prone and wounded against the wall, brought her fury to a skidding halt as shame and horror flooded her mind. 

_What have I done?_

__Serea's concentration severed and her quasi-strength withdrawing from her injured form, the protection of the force waned and Serea was flung headfirst into the midst of the cyclone. 

Her unwilling body screamed at Serea every step she took and she was reduced to crawling in a meager attempt to protect as much of herself as possible. 

Small debris and broken shards of glass embedded themselves Serea's assailable and open flesh, ripping and tearing themselves so forcefully it was as if they were shouting for their beings to be recognized. The rough sand whipped at exposed skin and left ugly raw patches of tissue behind. It was physical abuse as Serea had never known before. 

Then, as if reaching out in solace, the deserted sandcrawler, as beaten up and broken as Serea was arrived in her line of sight not ten paces away. Sobbing in relief, Serea clambered toward her salvation and dragged herself inside a crevice, protecting her from the sandstorm outside. The battered woman, having found her sanctuary, blithely slipped from consciousness with the blaster pistol clutched tightly to her chest. 

([]) 

Carth awoke to a splitting headache, an aching side, and an unfathomable amount of confusion. 

The perplexity was soon replaced with anger, shock, worry, and, most predominate, guilt. His soldier's instinct took over as his mentality was still trying to sort itself out. Calling the _Ebon Hawk_ on his comlink, Canderous's gritty voice crackled in reply. 

"What's up, Onasi?" 

"It's Serea. She's run off." 

"Come again, Republic, didn't catch that last bit. Damn sandstorm..." Carth sighed in frustration. 

"Serea -- she's gone." 

"Gone? How could she be gone?" 

"She... She got mad and ran off!" 

"Into the sandstorm?! Shit, you look like hell, Onasi. What happened?" 

"Yes, into the sandstorm!" Carth growled through gritted teeth. "She pushed me into the wall with the force and I _feel _like hell." Canderous chuckled as Carth's scowl deepened. 

"Lover's quarrel, eh, republic? I wouldn't fight Revan unless I had a death wish! Dumb move, I'd say." 

"Her name is Serea, and this is serious! She's run off in _the middle of a sandstorm._ She'll be ripped to pieces, damnit!" The Mandalorian's attitude quickly sobered. 

"Yeah, and you'll be ripped to pieces too if you go out there now. And how would you help her then? She's a smart woman; she'll find protection when her wits come back. As soon as this sandstorm subsides, we'll form a search party." 

"But--" 

"Carth," Canderous said with all seriousness, "I swear to you that we will find her. On Mandalore's honor, I swear that to you. And I promise that she will be alive. Witnessed?" 

"Witnessed," Carth replied miserably. 

"Good. Now go get some rest. You'll be no help to Revan--" 

"--Serea--" 

"--Serea if you can't keep your eyes open long enough to take a stim. Got that?" 

"Thanks." Carth heard Canderous's grin more than he saw it. 

"That's what a Mandalorian's here for. Kicking sense back into the human's who forget it. Goodnight Carth. I'll inform the rest of them. Over and out." Carth slumped remorsefully against the wall. There would be no rest for him tonight. 

([]) 


End file.
